when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
