last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
