I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i will never coherently bang her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
PS: I just woke up from my shower
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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