If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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