I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
