Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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