I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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