it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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