a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
