i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
