It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
