ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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