They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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