i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
