did you get engaged???
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
