so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
