Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
