My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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