If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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