I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
