wanna go halves on a baby?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cut my penus on the lid.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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