There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Randomize
