Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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