you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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