You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
