anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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