The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
