got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
