We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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