So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
