You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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