You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
