my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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