I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
