My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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