ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
