I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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