i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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