do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
