i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to make out with him forever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
