Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
