If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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