ya dads aren't the best wingmen
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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