We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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