I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
