I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
