We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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