ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
