my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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