What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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