mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
