She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
