Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
