I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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