do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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