WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
