He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
