Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
