I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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