I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
