i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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