yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
