Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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