i just wanna soil my oats bro
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
