You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
