I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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