theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
