You can't special order awesome
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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