she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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