Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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