and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
