I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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