Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
