god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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