ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
