I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
