Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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