He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
