Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
